A week ago, I went on a little rant on my Instagram page about how disrespectful Nigerians can be to singles. It really grinds my gears when certain statements or assumptions are made about me simply because I don’t have a partner. I ask that you please bare with me as I try to blow off some steam on this post. I will also TRY my best not to rant or be the angry single lady, but in the end, if it comes out that way then what can I say……..I’m giving you unadulterated content straight from my heart.
On some days in Lagos, one is gently or sometimes brutally reminded that as a single person, you’re living life a little less than your counterparts who are “booed” up, engaged, married and even side pieced. How? Well, take for instance you’re at a wedding with family in attendance and that one aunt who is “looking out for your best interest” dramatically asks you why you haven’t introduced anyone to her. I mean, at your age we should be buying aso-ebi for the wedding or at least be preparing to, right ?See the problem here is not just that she asked you, but the awareness that by speaking up she was saying what everyone else at the table was thinking. Let’s forget the fact that you’re working super hard on that PhD or masters program. Heck, let’s throw out the window the fact that there’s ground breaking research going on in your lab. Without the guy, none of that stuff really matters. Ok! So maybe you could take it from a family member, but how do you react when the MC at the same wedding thinks he’s doing you a favour by condescendingly asking you to come out and catch the bouquet? After all, it’s for your own good…..HA!!!!!
So maybe you asked for it by going to the wedding, love was in the air and let’s assume it was just more obvious there. How about at church? A pastor nagging certain members of the congregation (in their late twenties) for not being married. After all, “you make enough money or do you want me to find her for you?” I honestly didn’t know that being single was that big of a deal until this trip. I have lost count as to how many times I was introduced to someone and through the course of the conversation being asked “so how is your boyfriend or does your boyfriend live here or the states? I mean, at the airport, I was asked so when is your wedding, but that story will be in another post so look out for it. It rubbed me the wrong way and so, I decided to make a list of things I would like for people to know about me and my singleness.
1) A relationship does not validate me as a person. That’s the job of my skills, professional accomplishments and the likes
2) Being single is not a curse!!!! Therefore, questions like why is such a beautiful girl like you single or where is your boyfriend is totally inappropriate
3) I am in NO way, shape or form ready for marriage so please don’t wish it on me at the moment as I’m barely getting by taking care of myself
4) Our journeys in life are different so please don’t compare me to my cousin or friend who just got married/engaged/ into a relationship
5) A PhD doesn’t mean I don’t have plans of making a family of my own, so it would be great if you could just keep the advices around staying strong and maintaining a good work ethic until we get to that bridge.
6) Paying my bills is a sign of responsibility and independence and not a billboard that says I hate men and don’t need them
7) I know you might think that me speaking my truth will only chase them away, but if it does, then we know for sure we shouldn’t be together
8) Prayers and blessings are welcome, but remember even the bible says we know not what we ought to pray for. So, just commit me into the hands of my father in heaven and let his will be done
9) My singleness has nothing to do with me having an outrageous list that highlights physical attributes such as height and skin color (although attraction is important) and everything to do with me growing in Christ and hoping the same for him too
10) Single people are people too please treat us all with respect. Live and let live!!!